Tag Archives: Mommyhood

Transform Negatives into Sexy Positives

Hi BP Babes,

I’m now four weeks in with Baby No. 2 and each day is getting a little bit easier for me. Ok, sometimes, it feels a little bit harder!? Either way, it’s been both an empowering and a challenging experience. In the last week, there’ve been moments where I’ve become hard on myself; in particular, I’ve become a bit down on my body. I don’t yet have the green light to return to my exercise routine, and I’ve been freely over-indulging in sweet treats. I’m not exactly sure what to wear in these early post-partum days and well, it just all feels a bit mushy – physically and emotionally. It got me thinking back another time in my life where I was hard on myself, and I want to share the story with you.

Love-Yourself

This bracelet reminds me to love my body!

Back in 2001, I was a single girl living in NYC. I was exhausted working 3 jobs, and had been dumped by my boyfriend right before the holidays. It was my quarter-life crisis moment and I started to turn against my body. While I was at a normal, healthy weight and had always been body-confident, I found I’d become fixated on my thighs. I stopped seeing myself in a beautiful way. I remember standing in front of the mirror in my undies and hearing my inner voice literally attacking my thighs, saying, You’re so round! Why can’t you be smaller? Why are you so big? I was even grabbing my outer thigh with my hand and wondering what my leg would look like if I had liposuction. It was as if the anxiety and uncertainty I was feeling about life was narrowing itself in on a body part. And that negative voice kept getting louder.

All of the sudden, I realized what I was doing to myself and it seemed crazy! Suddenly, the confident self-loving Dana that I’d known my whole life was fed up. I marched myself into the bathroom and stood in front of the mirror. I looked deep into my own eyes and started saying out loud, You’re okay. You’re beautiful. I love you. Stop this self-destructive nonsense. You love yourself WAY more than this!

It was a breakthrough moment. No longer would I allow myself to get stuck in that nasty repetitive loop of Negative Body Banter – the self-destructive mental chatter I’d been inflicting upon myself and my thighs. From that day forward, I began saying affirmations of self-love. I was talking to myself the way I’d talk to my best friend in crisis. Then, I started having more fun with the process, incorporating grand dramatic affirmations like, Thighs, you are terribly gorgeous. I love how juicy you are. Any man would be lucky to catch a even a glance of you!

You might think that sounds ridiculous, and it may have even felt that way at first. But it was a major awakening for me. It was self-care in its purest form and it’s grown into something far beyond the acute fix I needed that day and into such a beautiful relationship that I have with myself.

So, when I noticed that negative voice rise up again the other day, I went right back to what I know. I put myself back in front of the mirror, stopped ragging on my “post-natal puffiness” and refocused on what is feeling sexy and beautiful right now. My eyes, how they sparkle. My bust, so plump and glowy. My hair, damn, it’s magnificent! My belly, magical to have created the most amazing baby! And honestly, once I get into that self-lovin’ groove, I can go on and on about myself. But I won’t bore you with my list ;)

Instead, I challenge you to transform the negative messages you send yourself into more loving ones. Think of a body part you’ve been down on, or a perceived flaw you repeatedly fixate upon and counteract it with a positive, sexy self-love saying. Hating your arms? Flip the script and dig deep to find something sexy about them. Think your butt is fat? Retrain your brain to say something amazing about its seductive shape. We may not be able to banish the negative body banter from our lives completely, but can we can quickly nip it in the bud when it shows up. Life’s too short and sweet to waste time tearing ourselves down, right? Let’s support each other and take ownership in building our sexy self-confidence up instead!

With loads of love & affection,

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Get Your Mental Mojo Moving!

Dana MyersAs a new mama, I find myself gabbing with other moms about all sorts of “new mommy” topics — sleeping, breastfeeding, teething, sleeping (again), and of course, sex.  Or really, the lack of sex.  It seems that the curse of new mommyhood is a non-existent libido; as if the sexual spark that gets you pregnant in the first place burrows away into some deep, dark hibernation.

One mama said to me, “I just can’t even think about sex.”  Of course, therein lies the problem! Once you stop thinking about sex, it fades out of your life pretty quickly. Now, that’s not breaking news, but it is true. When you stop remembering what sex — and feeling sexy– can do for you, you lose the motivation to make it an integral part of your life.  Whether it’s the life-altering presence of a new baby, the stresses of a high-profile job, a to-do list that’s toppling over, or you’re just stuck in a rut with your lover, it can be challenging to keep the desire alive.  I totally get it. But I’m here to tell you that if you can get sex back on your brain, you’ll have it back in your bedroom in no time.  And I know you’ll feel happier and more satisfied when you do.  I know I do!  So, here’s a couple of quick ideas to get your mental mojo moving again…

  1. Look for visual and mental stimulation every day. There are seductive elements in so many places, you just need to keep your eyes open for them and embrace the opportunities they present. When I hit up the LA Farmer’s Market, the spectacularly phallic carrots and other natural wonders make me giggle and think naughty thoughts.  Staying on the subject of food, I ate a chocolate pot de creme yesterday, and the flavors & texture were so rich that I couldn’t help but feel sensual.  It might be the way a flower opens, or that you catch a scent that reminds you of your hottest one-night-stand. Whatever it is, make it a point to jot down the things you see, hear, smell and feel that please you and make you a little lusty.  Use a mini notebook or an App on your phone and then, a couple times a week, check back and see what you wrote. It’ll remind you of what revs your motor…
  2. Bring out the fantasy lingerie. When I say “fantasy,” I really mean costumes. Naughty nurse. Jail bird. Fluffy bunny. Sexy Mobster. Dressing up in a sexy costume is an instant libido booster.  For most, it means instant sex-on-the-brain because, if it’s not Halloween, why else would you be wearing it except for a sexy bedroom session? It makes you feel a little silly and naughty all at once, and prompts you to think, “Ok, what am I going to do now that I’m in this thing?” Not only will you look foxy, but it’ll be easy to lose yourself in a new role, taking you out of the boredom/stresses of your daily life. It’s an experiment in newness and it will bring on the creativity and a sense of play.
  3. Stock a seductive book. Whether it’s a oversized book of provocative photography or an anthology of sexy stories, make room for a little extra stimulation that’ll move your mind onto something sexier than baby bottles or your grocery list.  At the end of a long day, it might seem easier to thumb through US Weekly, but seeing what Lindsey wore to court won’t deliver you the motivation you need to get your mojo moving.  Reading a short story — be it romantic or kinky — will ignite your imagination and spark up your desire.  Then, it’s up to you to act on the inspiration!

Whether you’re a new mommy, a high-powered business woman, or you’ve just grown complacent in your relationship, I want you to remember how important “sexy” is in your life.  Use these little tips to bring sexy back to your brain, and work to keep it alive.  Because when you’re living as the sexiest, most fabulous and vibrant version of you — with confidence, self-love, and an active pursuit of the sexy satisfaction you deserve — all of your life’s other endeavors will benefit! 

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